Scandalous Beverages

My dad is a funny man for many reasons, some of which fortunately or not so fortunately, are genetic it seems. He loves to watch lifetime movies, abc family movies, and ridiculous movies that come on his "movie channels" (which I just realized sounds like adult films but they definitely aren't) which are total B team channels not a single one of the 12 HBOs in the bunch. He has been known to get me addicted excellent entertainment such as the Love Comes Softly Movies, and the Lifetime Original Army Wives. He is, however, I assure you a very manly man who plays every sport known to mankind well, coaches high school tennis and Special Olympics (I know doesn't that warm your heart) and is a retired PE teacher, so fear not for his sexuality even with what I am about to tell you. His beverage taste is very much in tune with his movie taste...flat out, no holds barred, unabashedly...GIRLY. He has been spotted on more than one occasion packing his cooler for the golf course with smirnoff ice. Luckily, I did not inherit that gene as the sugar in those drinks makes my stomach hurt before I can finish one. However, what I did inherit his ability to get totally hooked on something, really anything. As I have said before I have the more syndrome. If a little is good, more is better, and a lot is darn good. On my father's list of addictions in the past has been fireballs, double bubble, popcorn, quiznos and according to mom currently jello and banana popsicles. What can I say, when my dad and I find something we like we tend to stick with it until we can bare it no more. So a few years ago, I do not even know when or how, my father discovered a certain beverage that in a completely innocent and not in need of rehab way, can't get enough of. Welcome to the era of Buttery Nipples (a shot of Bailey's Irish Cream and Butterscotch Schnapps.)

Spring Break 2K9, my parents went to the beach with their friends...this is their friend's daughter posing with the empties


New Years this year, my parents with their friends...and I see the evidence on the table!


Before nearly every social function dad would premix himself a little container so he could share the love. One day my brothers family and I were eating our official Sunday lunch of Wades and before I knew it dad was mixing "dessert" for everyone. At my first oyster roast a couple of years ago he would make tray after tray and bring them out to all the guests, kind of like the miller lite girls, or redbull girls...except my dad. Then he decided he wanted to take "a batch" over to G-mama and G-daddy's to share after a family dinner. Maybe it was mother's day? So after our no doubt fun and festive family gathering dad breaks out the B.N.'s. He mixed and chilled them for everyone, pouring a small (some might ever refer to as a shot) glass for each person (over the age of 21 of course). G-mama being the classy dame that she is sipped upon her B.N. for several minutes, lavishing in every drop full. With each sip, she would exclaim with delight, what a "marvelous drink this is" and oh my gosh "Roy, how did you learn how to make this?!" She referred to it as an "after dinner drink" even though I'm pretty sure most places serving them aren't all too concerned about your dinner. And then, just has we had all feared "What do you call this?" I mean what do you say? No one was about to look my 80 year old grandmother in the eyes and utter the N word. Someone quick on their feet replied "It's just butterscotch and Irish Cream." G-mama, still completely taken aback by the warming after effects of the beverage quipped "but what do I call it if I want to order it out at a restaurant?"

Pause for the cause...please picture my grandmother out at a bar hollering over the counter to the bartender that she would like a round of buttery nipples, or better yet, in a fancy restaurant with a nice white tablecloth and a craving for a classy "after dinner drink" to accompany her dessert, calls the waiter over to the table with the nice white tablecloth and requests a pair of buttery nipples. Suffice it to say, she still doesn't know the official name of the drink, although about once a month she talks about how she wants my dad to make her some more of "those drinks" sometime.

Fast forward a year or two to this Christmas. Remember this party? Well what you didn't know is that just a few weeks before that I resolved to force myself learn to like red wine, because I just felt like it was the classy grown up lady thing to do. Luckily some of the men I work with have excellent taste in booze so I knew they wouldn't let me down. Sure enough they introduced me to what is still at this point in time my favorite red wine...Menage A Trois (I know, so much for being a classy red wine drinker.)

Even if red wine is not your speed, give our Ménage à Trois Red a try. This wine exposes the fresh, ripe, jam-like fruit that is the calling card of California wine. Three saucy grapes make up the blend. Zinfandel adds a juicy character, Merlot mellows and Cabernet adds backbone. Forward, spicy and soft, this delicious dalliance makes the perfect trio.

That brings us to Christmas night, where we are having Christmas dinner at the G's. G-daddy opens a bottle of red and white wine and asks what we would prefer. I inform the G's of my resolve to choke back learn to like red wine, so I'll have that. My brother and I begin discussing the topic of red wine. He goes on to say that Costco sells a really great red wine called Menage A Trois. I proclaim with the delight of a classy red wine drinker that it is my absolute favorite, and proceed to go on and on about it...reminiscent of my father's enthusiasm perhaps. The sound of glee in her young(ish) granddaughter's voice caught G-mama's ears and what I am excited about she lovingly wants to attempt to be excited about. Fascinated by the name I informed her it was Trois because of the three grapes they blend to make it.

Fast forward again to a few days later where "the girls" (me, mom and G-mama) are out to lunch at a nice restaurant (white table cloths) where G-mama couldn't wait to sit and chat the afternoon away over some wine. Not much of an afternoon drinker myself, with a few exceptions like football games, the pool, and well really as long as I'm not drinking alone my arm can easily be twisted, and twist G-mama did. So after looking over the wine menu for a moment, as I am about to order my glass of Chard to the polite waitress standing beside me G-mama chirps in,

G: You're learning about red wine why don't you get a glass of that?

Me: No thanks, that seems like more of an evening beverage. To waitress: I'll have a glass of Chard.

G:Do they not have that wine you like?

Me: No, probably not. I'm pretty sure it's not a fancy wine and it's pretty random since it's a blend of several things.

G: Well what was the name of it? Lets ask the waitress.

Me:No, really thats ok I'll just have white.(Meanwhile waitress is still standing there confused as to if the order is standing or changing)

G:Well,I want you to write it down for me so I can remember it and be sure to look for it in the grocery store and at restaurants.

Me:Ok, fine, Ill write it down. *writing it down on random note pad

G:Oh yes! To waitress: Have you heard of a menage a trois?

Me:*Hides head in shame.