Ornament Exchange That Will Go Down In History

Last night was my work Christmas Party, oh excuse me, I mean Holiday Party since we are so diverse. Even though I work at a religiously affiliated institution, apparently we still have to embrace diversity...I promise the most diverse we are as a staff is Catholic and Baptist, and last time I checked they however diverse both celebrate Christmas. Our invitation even said something about coming together to celebrate all of our various holidays...um do you mean Christmas?

Here is the perfect example to sum up how these things normally shake out. Earlier this week my boss announced in front of most of our staff of Directors "I can't wait to see who Courtney is bringing as her date to our Christmas Party this week!" I said I couldn't wait to see who would be my date too, findmychristmaspartydate.com was all out.

However, the gleaming light of this festavus for the rest-of-us was one special word different from any other...a USED Christmas (er, I mean, Holiday) Ornament exchange. Now, the concept of a used ornament I can make happen. Of course, because its our office, people had to make a big deal about "what if I don't have a used ornament?" or "what if I don't want to give one of mine away?" People are such babies. I finally got annoyed enough to speak up in our staff meeting and suggest people keep their pie holes shut, stop making a big deal about it, and take themselves to the dollar tree, where for one dollar they can purchase a new ornament that appears sufficiently used, or just buy a freaking new one elsewhere if you are really telling me that no one has ever given you an ornament that was a little on the fug side. It's really not that hard. My boss then said she had a plethora of ornaments that will no longer fit on her tree so she would bring a box people could choose from, problem solved, geez. I perused my tree and pondered for a while which ornament to give away, perhaps one of these? But, at the end of the day I couldn't bear to part with a piece of my destiny, after all how many cats does it take to make a cat lady?

Lucky for me, my parents have been teachers for too many years to count, and if you aren't familiar with teacher law, christmas for a teacher = ugly ornament capital of the christmas celebrating world. So after work yesterday I stopped by mom and dad's house to check out the "left over" ornaments that didn't make it on the tree, with mom's permission of course. I consulted her over the phone as I was "shopping" to be sure I didn't take the one ornament that she would inevitably declare was her favorite even though it hadn't graced the family tree in 13 years. The other teacher christmas ornament law is that the student has to write on the back "To Mrs. S, Love insert name of the worst student you have ever taught to date so when you look at this ornament for years to come you will say ugggggghhhh and then in a moment of silence thank god we both survived." Needless to say, there were several of those. I really was seeking something either from the 1980s, or something with someone's name on it...funny was of top priority.

And then, like a gift sent from heaven, there at the bottom of the ornament box, a light shone down from above and the angels started to sing...there she was. The perfect USED christmas ornament. I quickly sent mom a pic-text and said I think I found it, can you part with this one?

Here she is, one half of the perfect used ornament gift set. Criteria met: homemade, check. Used, you bet. Hilarious, most definitely.



And then with a spark of creativity and a mother's blessing, the perfect used ornament gift set was completed, just in case someone wasn't grateful enough for a homemade hand with the perfect number of holiday fingers remaining.



I could feel how grateful someone was going to be to proudly display these ornaments on their family "holiday" tree, or whatever diverse apparatus they chose for hanging of decorative festive paraphernalia.

The homemade hand gesture, really did start out with more fingers I promise, and no I did not intentionally break them off they were just loved off with time, or as mom suggested a mouse probably ate them because the fingers weren't in the box, but it was one of her favorite ornaments she couldn't bear to part with offensive hand gesture or not. As all mother's are, so willing to sacrifice for their children, in good diverse holiday spirit my mom was willing sacrifice for a good laugh.

The homemade hand gesture was very fragile and I couldn't risk losing the remaining finger before the start of the event, so I no lie, packaged both ornaments in foam inside of this box. A silver heart that says 1996.



I forgot to take a picture all wrapped, but it was wrapped in paper that says Courtney all over it, just in case someone wasn't sure who that fourth grader inside was.

During the dinner portion of the evening I sat upstairs at the kids table with all the younger, single people...and a couple who just knows we are the cool crowd. One of the single people, being not of the younger crowd came and sat beside me. He was recently exchanged from another department, so he is the newest person on our staff and in general awkward to be around. The experience did not disappoint, it was awkward. Everytime we were all joking about something he didn't get it, he always thought we were being serious when we were being sarcastic (apparently sarcasm is a generational thing?), and was always two stories behind us and getting confused, or would make a joke that was so strange you couldn't even muster a courteous chuckle. It was just plain awkward. Thankfully I was granted my reprieve when I was instructed to lead the ornament portion of the evening with one of my coworkers. Things were going swimmingly. At first a couple, the ones that like to hang out with us young folk, that I am good friends with chose my ornament set, at my suggestion. Everyone had a great laugh about it and the exchange proceeded. Then the creepy old dude stole the ornaments I brought! I was AWKWARD! I don't even know this cat and he stole a picture of me in the 4th grade to hang on his tree? WEIRD! Thankfully my boss stole them for herself, even though her husband wanted the nice snowflake ornaments. Then she said after I get laid off she will put someone else's picture in there, and she thinks the hand gesture will be well utilized. I agree. All in all, used ornament exchange = very fun. Oh, and to cap off the evening, creepy old dude hugged me goodbye and KISSED ME ON THE CHEEK! This is NOT Europe! Luckily one of my friends was standing there to observe the event, followed by my vom in the mouth. What does he think this is? A departmental dating service?! Ick!

Merry Christma-rama-hanna-kwanza to all, and to all a good night!